I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
