Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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