I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You are a genius and a whore.
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