party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
