good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
