i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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