She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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