I think I died a long time ago.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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