I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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