but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
