3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
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I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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