I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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