you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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