69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
