Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
