Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize