shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
don't judge my taste in strippers
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
