you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
