3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
