Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You're like the curious george of whores
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
