I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
