i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
