it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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