well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
