I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
