just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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