i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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