The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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