hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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