Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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