Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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