I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
