Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
