mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
