he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
