There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
