sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
