My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
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