How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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