It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
