I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
