Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
