And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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