stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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