Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
