i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
