Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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