I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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