3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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