he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
