it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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