Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
