I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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