i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
