SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
