Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
